Bankable Leadership : Happy People, Bottom-Line Results, and the Power to Deliver Both by Tasha Eurich

Author:Tasha Eurich [Eurich, Tasha]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
ISBN: 9781626340190
Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group Press
Published: 2013-09-28T14:00:00+00:00

Listen: It’s Not About You—It’s About Them

We all know the classic break-up line: “It’s not you, it’s me.” Though this may be a handy phrase for commitment-phobes (don’t look at me!), it’s a foolish coaching philosophy. Because it’s really not about you. It’s about your employee. Though this seems rather obvious, it’s actually counter to our natural tendencies. A study by Harvard researchers Diana Tamir and Jason Mitchell revealed that humans spend 30 to 40 percent of our speaking time talking about ourselves.9 This means that when you’re coaching your employees, you’ll have to prevent the urge to say things like, “Oh man, that same thing happened to me back in 1987. Let me tell you how I handled it.”

To overcome this tendency, use the LISTEN framework:

Look them in the eye.

Intently focus on them.

Speak less than 10 percent of the time.

Test your understanding by paraphrasing.

Examine the person’s ideas with an open mind.

Never, ever, ever interrupt.

Let’s start with Looking them in the eye. Don’t spend the conversation taking notes. No matter what you’re discussing, it’s important to connect by looking the person in the eye. But, as I mentioned before, don’t engage in too much eye contact; aim to look them in the eyes about 80 percent of the time.

Next, Intently focus on the employee. Remember the picture frame trick from chapter 4, where you imagine the person’s head in a frame? This is a great time to use it. If you don’t, it will give the impression that the conversation—and your employee—aren’t important.

Throughout the conversation, you should Speak less than 10 percent of the time. Remember, the purpose of coaching is to help your employees figure out their own challenges, opportunities, and path to greater success—and they can’t do that with you blabbing the whole time. When you do speak, try to ask open-ended questions (more on this in a moment) or paraphrase a point they’ve made.

When you paraphrase, you should be Testing your understanding. Being understood is a fundamental human need, so show your employee that you’re following them by saying things like, “What I hear you saying is …” or “It sounds like …” If you get it wrong, ask for clarification.

Sometimes, your employees might share a viewpoint or idea that you don’t agree with. Nevertheless, Examine their ideas with an open mind. The easiest way to do this is to make a choice to change your inner monologue from judgment to interest. Instead of thinking, What a stupid idea! try, That’s interesting—I wonder why he thinks that.

And finally, Never interrupt. I hope this should go without saying, but I constantly come across successful people who have this annoying behavioral tick. I once was chairing a board committee tasked with hiring a new executive director. About two minutes into one interview, the candidate said, “I like to interrupt from time to time to make sure I am understanding what you’re saying.” Not only did we not offer him the job, he has become a bit of a legend.

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